


Boys don't fall for eachother

by byeongaris



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 04:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15405066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeongaris/pseuds/byeongaris
Summary: i've been taught throughout my life that men only fall for women. but.. what's wrong with me?





	Boys don't fall for eachother

All my life, I've been taught that a man is supposed to fall in love with a woman.

It's the norm.

As years passed, my friends talked about their dating lives and complained about how their girlfriends were giving them a hard time.

I wondered why I hadn't fallen in love with a girl yet.

I remember back in highschool, hearing rumours about two guys making out.

How does that even happen? I had wondered.

How does a man fall for a man?

\- 

Years have gone by, and I am nineteen now. And love?

Well it's still not around.

My friends say I should try experimenting with guys but the thought alone disgusts me.

Or maybe it doesn't. I am just too scared to admit it to myself.

There's this kid.

He's new. They say he's from Taiwan. Not that I asked around.

He's been after me for about 4 weeks, not that I am counting.

Yesterday I finally gathered the courage to ask him what he wanted.

He said it's my heart.

Why would you want it when it beats for no one but myself?

Maybe it was beating a little faster when he spoke those words. Not that I would ever admit it.

I had turned away with a little chuckle, as I felt my cheeks burn. Perhaps it was due to the outrageous weather.

He had stopped me and taken me into his embrace.

I wanted to let go but maybe I didn't want to break his heart.

He had looked at me, his eyes reflecting the smile he had on his face.

He had leaned in, and I couldn't bring myself to turn away.

Maybe it was just me, trying not to break his heart.

Or it was just my heart, telling me that this is what I wanted.

-

A few days have passed, and I haven't seen him in a while.

I finally feel at peace.

They say he's gone to his hometown to meet his parents.

Not that I investigated.

My friends keep bringing him up. It's tiring.

Don't they get just how much I hate him?

Or just how much my heart aches, not hearing him call my name, cling onto me, ask me if I am doing okay.

Maybe I've gotten attached to this kid.

But I'll never admit it to myself.

-

My best friend Woojin has always been a big mouth. He has never been one to shy away, or to keep things to himself.

So when he had asked me about how I felt about the kid who had been on my mind since I first saw him, I didn't know what to say.

"Are you in love with Guanlin?" he had asked so casually.

I had quickly shaken my head.

What was he even talking about?

"Woojin, I am a man. I can't fall for him." 

Woojin didn't say anything for a while but his face clearly said, "I am disappointed by what you just said."

After a while, he finally spoke.

"Jihoon."

I nodded, gesturing him to continue.

"I get where you're coming from but have you thought about how you truly feel towards him, without thinking about his gender for once?"

I stared at him, not knowing what to say, so he continued.

"Being a man, who is in love with another man is okay. Love is love. There's no gender for love."

He spoke those words so easily.

Like it was the norm.

As if we hadn't been taught that a man was supposed to be with a woman throughout our life.

I knew he was wrong. But why did I want him to be right?

I didn't know.

Maybe it was me trying to make myself fall in love for the first time.

Or maybe I was already in love. 

I didn't know.

-

It had already been 3 weeks since I had last seen the young foreigner.

Not that I was mentally counting down the days to when I'd see him again.

He's finally back, sitting beside me, while Woojin sits on the other side.

We are having a sleepover at Minhyun's house.

All eleven of us. It's been a while since all of us got together.

Guanlin being the newest addition to the group.

He had held my hand tightly, our hands hidden under the blanket.

Maybe it was the warmth in his hand, a contrast to my cold ones, that I had tightened the grip.

Or maybe, I was assured that my feelings would be hidden under the blanket.

The night was long, the boys had fallen asleep.

Except me, and the boy beside me.

I was embraced by him, my petite figure could barely be seen because of his tall, slender body.

We had been talking about everything, from his trip to Taiwan, to how tough highschools in Korea were compared to other parts of the world.

"Jihoon?" he had asked.

"Hmm?"

"How was life while I was gone?"

I felt my breath hitch.

It was a simple question.

How was life when he wasn't around?

I didn't know what do say.

Do I tell him that it felt empty? Having no one by my side at all times? Having no one who understood that I was hurt without having to say a word?

"It was okay." I say, without looking at him.

"Really? Mine was far from okay."

I finally looked at him. He had a slight pout on his face, clearly trying to tease me.

"Why?" I asked, tilting my face.

"Because you weren't around." he had said so calmly, before tightening his embrace.

I couldn't help but smile.

Maybe my heart felt fuzzy because no one had ever said such sweet words to me, so casually before.

Or maybe because it's him.

-

I wake up the next day, feeling a lump in my throat.

It feels as if there's something inside me which wants me to speak out.

To be brave.

To finally do what the heart truly wants.

No one's awake yet.

So I lie there, staring at the boy who has been on my head, eating me up for so long.

What am I feeling?

I don't know. Or perhaps, I just don't wanna admit it.

"It's okay to be gay. We'll accept you for who you are. For what you are. You'll all still be my best friends." Sungwoon had said so easily.

It was so easy for him to say. A boy who had only been in love with girls throughout his life.

But what about Guanlin?

I still remember how he had ever so smoothly dropped the words, "I'm gay." while we were having one of our daily hangouts. As if it was the most normal thing in the world.

I lean towards him, and move the hair away from his forhead.

He looks so beautiful. I am scared he might break from my touch.

"How do you do it?" I whisper.

No reply. I continue.

"How are you so brave? Always expressing your feelings without having to worry about being judged?" I ask as I continue to play with his hair.

"I've never felt this way before. This..this weird feeling in my heart, everytime I see you, talk to you, hug you, just everything about you. I don't know what this is..and I'm too scared to try and find out." I say, as I close my eyes and sigh deeply.

I am taken aback by someone pulling me into a tight embrace.

I flutter my eyes open, to see Guanlin smiling down to me.

A blush creeps onto my cheeks.

"You're so mean.." I say, as I try to hide my face in the crook of his neck.

"Jihoon, you know I love you right?" he asks.

I know.

I say nothing.

"I'll always be waiting for you. It doesn't matter if it takes you weeks, months or years. I'll wait for you till we're ninety and on our death beds. So take all the time you need to think about how you feel. I won't pressurise you. I promise." he says as he pats my hair.

I look at him, and see nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

"Guanlin, how did you accept it?" I ask.

"I realised that love has no gender, no race, no colour. Love is love. We've been taught that men fall for women and vice versa. Apparently, that's the norm. But love doesn't believe in what the fuck is the norm and what's not. It believes in what you truly feel for someone, despite their appearance or their identity."

I stare at him blankly as nothing comes out from my mouth.

Then I finally do what my heart tells me to do.

I kiss him.

For the first time, I listen to my heart.

He seems taken aback but slowly kisses me back.

The kiss lasts for a whole minute or two, and we finally break apart when I get out of breath.

"Guanlin?"

He hums.

"I don't know what I feel but I do know that I've never felt this way before. For anyone. But I need some time, to come to terms with everything, and I need you to be patient with me. So.. will you wait for me till we're ninety and on the verge of dying?"

He let's out a chuckle.

"Always."

**Author's Note:**

> hello guys,, your local panwink stan is back again to serve yall lmao. this was a little different from the type i usually write but i think this one really came from the heart, and from personal experiences. i have had a fight with myself for the longest time, trying to figure out what i truly was, before i accepted myself for who i am, and for what i identify as. so i wrote this oneshot, displaying all the things i've felt and how i finally came on terms with it. love is love, and it really has no gender. it doesn't matter what you are,, or who you are, your gender doesn't define who you need to be in love with. this was also slightly inspired by ming and kit, the characters from the thai drama/novel two moons !! i hope you guys enjoyed reading this,, i love you guys so much.


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